Create a Culture of Reciprocity

Be grateful. Respond generously.

How do we create a culture of reciprocity? I believe the first step is to pay attention. Stop, look, behold. Realize the gifts in the moment and then gratitude and generosity will arise naturally. See clearly the gifts and the challenges of the moment. Only then will we know how to respond generously, rather than react.

“Under the best circumstances a truly reciprocal encounter yields generosity. Generosity implies gratitude, kindness, and compassion. It encourages empathy, dialogue, connectedness, and love - the giving of yourself to others. Reciprocity is the sharing of perspectives and ideas. Generosity is sharing what is most precious to you and doing so with no exchange in mind. It is a gift of kindness and love.” ~ Mitchell Thomashow, To Know the World

I’ve been reflecting lately on how I can be more generous. In any given situation, I always have several choices in how to respond. I can ignore what’s happening and not respond at all; I can respond with only what’s necessary and adequate, or I can respond generously, giving more than necessary. To respond generously means you consider the other’s perspective and what they might need from the encounter. They benefit in some way from your response. I don’t always respond generously but it can be learned through deliberate practice. Here’s an example. 

Someone reached out to me (and a few others) for a potential collaboration. They asked if I would take their course and offer feedback in return. They gave me permission not to respond, saying if I didn’t they wouldn’t contact me again. That was a generous gesture on their part. I thought about the request and, while I admire this person’s work, it wasn’t something I was interested in doing at this time. I felt like I had quite enough on my plate and didn’t want to add more. 

It’s not in my nature not to respond, so the next possibility would have been to say thanks but no thanks, explaining why my schedule didn’t permit it at this time. Instead, I asked myself what a generous response would look like. I thought about how brave it was for her to reach out and how honoured I felt that she would value my feedback. So, I responded by telling her those things and wishing her luck. She wrote back, literally thanking me for my generous response. 

The Generosity of Trees

Generosity is a way of being and seeing that’s grounded in relationships, as an active participant, not a detached observer. To me, trees are the ultimate teachers of generosity, strength, perseverance, and even abandon. They’re a vital part of the ecosystem and always give generously.

“Patricia, the botanist in The Overstory, says “a dead tree is an infinite hotel.“ She views trees as “intricate, reciprocal nations of tied together life that she has listened to all life long.” Reciprocal means mutually corresponding, the return of favors, tied together life, embodied networks, all our relations. Collectivist idea of awareness that informs each other.” ~ via Mitchell Thomashow, To Know the World

Humans and other species have a relationship with trees of mutualism – a relationship between two species of organisms in which both benefit from the association. 

While rooted in one place, a tree takes in carbon dioxide and releases oxygen, while humans and other species take in oxygen and release carbon dioxide. A tree provides beauty, shade, protection, and sometimes food (fruits, nuts, seeds, oils). They’re a resting place for birds and squirrels, and a home for small animals and insects. They can act as a noise barrier and their roots keep the ground stable. Even after they die, a decaying log provides nutrients. Nothing goes to waste. They just keep on giving, effortlessly it seems.

We simply cannot live without trees. And, what we do to them affects the water, air, other species and us.  

Practice

Stop for a minute and consider the gifts offered to you at this moment. How are you grateful?

Be like a tree this week. How can you respond generously in every situation or encounter that comes up?

Hug a tree! Or plant one. At the very least, sit under one for a while and secretly say thank you. Learn about the impacts of deforestation in your area. Support restoration of damaged ecosystems. 

Resources 

The Overstory, a novel by Richard Powers. Patricia in The Overstory is based on real-life botanist, Suzanne Simard, who recently came out with a memoir of her life and work, Finding the Mother Tree. Both books are excellent.

To Know the World: A New Vision for Environmental Learning by Mitchell Thomashow